


Illusions

by Amras0



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 12:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11943822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amras0/pseuds/Amras0
Summary: Nick finds himself in a strange situation: Zootopia is devoid of almost all life it seems. He can't remember what happened, or how he got where he is. After a few moments, he is confronted with his own past. Can he figure out what has happened?





	1. Under the bridge

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... let's try it. This is my first ever fanfic. Why the heck shouldn't I try this. I got a crazy weird idea after listening to a cd in my car, and a storyline started forming itself in my head. I apologize in advance. English isn't my native tongue, so my word choices might be a little strange and/or repetetive at times. Any tips, tricks and other comments are welcome.

Chapter 1 - Under the bridge

Nick let out a yawn. He refused to admit that he was awake. His body however, had other plans. Slowly, he began to notice his environment. He wasn't at his apartment, which was strange. When he became an officer, he also stopped living on the street.  
_Where am I?_ Nick wondered. Suddenly, he was aware that he sat in a beach chair. _This is weird, it is as if I'm..._ As he opened his eyes, his confusion was complete. He found himself at his old hangout, a dried up stream under a bridge. _How did I get here?_ He stood up and walked out from under the stone bridge. It was clearly the middle of the day, probably around noon, although the sun was nowhere to be seen in the cloudless sky. _I wonder what's going on..._

Nick started to walk towards his apartment. When he left his hideout and entered one of the bigger streets, he stopped right in his tracks. Although he felt the presence of the usual hustle and bustle of the Zootopian streets, there were no mammals in sight. He was alone, yet it didn't feel like he was. _This is not normal._ He thought. _Where is everyone?_

"No one is here but you," a slightly familiar voice answered his thought. Nick jumped.

"Who-" he started. To answer his question, another fox in a pawaïan shirt walked around a corner and entered Nicks vision. He looked very familiar to Nick, almost as if he was looking into a mirror, but not quite. "If it's only me who is here, then where are you?" he asked the other fox. "Who are you?" The familiar stranger smiled.

"Easy. I am you," he answered. Nick wanted to protest, but the fox held up a paw. "Rather, I'm but an aspect of you." This surprised Nick. The stranger chuckled. "Don't worry, you'll figure this out soon enough. After all, you are a clever con-mammal."  
Nick took a breath to correct the stranger, but he couldn't find the words to say. _What? How can I not correct him?_ The stranger shook his head.  
"You need to face yourself to-" he began. He was interrupted by yet another fox. This one wore the uniform of a ZPD officer.

"I don't think he is able to," the fox officer told the stranger. "He is far too proud to admit he was wrong."

"Wrong? About what?" Nick asked confused. _This is getting crazier by the minute. And where is Carrots? Last thing I remember is..._ His eyes went wide. The last thing Nick could remember was waking up in his beach chair.

"Look at him, he's scared." Another voice. This wasn't an adult however. It was a fox kit in a scout uniform.

"I'm not scared," Nick answered. "What would I be scared of?" He felt his mask slide into place. _Never let them see that they get to you._ Somehow, he got the feeling that no matter how hard he tried, the strange foxes around him would always know how he felt or what he thought.

"Yup, you're scared Nick," the kit said. "We all know."

"I think he starts to understand now," the first stranger said. Nick nodded.

"You all are aspects of who I am." The strange fox smiled.

"I am the voice of Reason," he finally introduced himself. "If you listen to me, you'll get out of this mess soon enough. However..."

"You still have to face the facts," the kit finished. "You have to face yourself and all that you have become."

But don't worry," another new voice rang out from behind him. Nicks ears perked up. He knew this voice anywhere. "I'll be here if everything becomes too much for you to bear." When he turned around, he saw her. Walking slowly towards him, was Judy Hopps.

"Carrots! Am I glad too see you." She shook her head. This surprised Nick.

"In a way, I am her. However..." She looked at Nick. His smile fell.

"You are another aspect?" She nodded.

"I am here to help you, as I am the most primal of all the aspects," she explained. "I am much stronger than the others, because you would do anything if I drive you to it."

Suddenly, Nick understood which aspect she was. "Love..." he said under his breath. When he looked over his shoulder to check if the others had heared him, his eyes went wide yet again. They had vanished as sudden as they had appeared. _Where were they?_

"They'll show up again, sooner or later," the aspect answered his thought. "We manifest whenever we are needed."

"Correct," Reason walked back into his field of vision. "Now, are you ready to begin your journey?" Nick swallowed. Him meeting Judy as the aspect Love has had the same effect on him as the real Judy had. Without asking any more questions, he motioned for Reason to lead the way.

"That's the spirit," Love said. "Never forget, you are not alone on this journey." Nick nodded.


	2. Painful memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter, yay. It might all be a little confusing what is going on with Nick, but I'm getting there. This chapter may raise a few questions, but I promise that they will be answered all in due time. And that time will probably be chapter 3.  
> Again, feel free to leave a comment with your opinion of the story, tips, tricks or other things you wish to share.  
> Also, I have started training as a train driver, so don't expect weekly updates for now. The next chapter might take a while, maybe 3 to 4 weeks.
> 
> Have fun reading.

Chapter 2 - Painful memories

Nick let Reason lead him towards Jerry Jumbeaux's Café. It was a short walk from his home on the streets. When they neared it, the scene changed. He heared the beeping sound of a parking meter running out some distance away. Slowly, a small crowd of random mammals faded into existence, together with parked cars. The parking meters at the edge of the sidewalk, were already there. When Nick looked around, he noticed that the mammals were fading out of existence again a good twenty meters away from the ice cream parlor. _Why is it that there are only around Jumbeaux's a few mammals?_ All in all, the things he saw felt very familiar to him. In a flash, the feeling of deja-vu hit Nick and he looked at Reason to confirm his suspicion. Reason nodded. Suddenly, across the street from the ice cream parlor, a parking meter beeped.

"This is indeed that day," he answered his unspoken thought. "But you'll see soon enough why we are here." Nick nodded, while his memory played out before him. He watched as he saw himself enter the parlor with Finnick in his elephant costume. When he looked to his left, Judy Hopps was watching him enter. She didn't pay any attention to the identical fox standing to her right.

"Carrots?" Nick said. Judy didn't react. "Judy?" He tried again. Same result. "Why are y–"

"Why are you trying to get her attention?" Reason asked. Nick looks to his right to glare at him.

"I was just gonna..." he started saying, but trailed off when he realized the problem. "Oh," is al he said. "I see." Reason nodded.

"If you value your life, I suggest you don't interfere with this." Reason answered Nicks unspoken and unthought thoughts. "You'll need to think clearly." When Nick looked back to the parlor, the door just closed behind the familiar doe.

As Nick entered the parlor himself, a feeling of unease crept up on him. He watched as his memory self cons twenty dollars out of Judy. When he tried to leave the shop however, he discovered that he couldn't. All the mammals suddenly fade away, but the feeling that they're still there lingers, just like it felt before. Then he noticed that his mirror image hadn't faded like the rest of the mammals. Nick arched an eyebrow up, before his mask slides into place. "Reason?" he asked. No response. He looked around, but found his guide missing. His mirror image started laughing, slowly morphing into a muskrat.

"What, can't bear your own past, big boy? he laughed mockingly at Nick. For the first time in a long while, the red fox finds himself speechless. The muskrat chuckles. "Can't you bear looking back at the life you once lead?" Hurt spiked in his chest as the muskrat kept talking at him.

"Nope, he can't." A child's voice answered. "Just look at him, he might as well be muzz–"

"SHUT IT," Nick yelled angrily at both small mammals. "Of course I can handle my past. What I've just seen is the reason everything started to go right again, even though it felt wrong seeing it happen again." The muskrat laughed.

"If you think you can handle it, let's take it up a notch," the muskrat said. The empty ice cream parlor faded away. The next moment, Nick found himself in a run-down neighborhood. The houses were worn. Most of them had graffiti all over them. A street sign told him he was standing on Cypress Grove Lane. A few houses further down the street, a door opened. A red fox kit in what looked like a brand new scouts uniform was walking out the door towards a car, followed by a pretty vixen. "Let's go and see where they go..." the muskrat said on a nasty tone. Everything faded away once again and slowly, a street lit up by the streetlights faded into existence.

"Allright Nick, have fun." Nick's mother, Melissa, waved her kit goodbye.

"No problem, mom," a young Nick answered. "See you after initiation." He waved her goodbye and walked towards the entrance of the scouting building of troop 914. Moments later, he walked down the stairs and greeted the members of his troop, giving the zebra a high five.

"Ready for initiation?" The question wasn't unexpected. Nick remembered this particular memory all too well. However, it was unexpected that the muskrat standing next to him asked the same question to him. Nick growled at him. The muskrat laughed as the lights went down and the memory-counterpart shone the memory-Nick in his face with a flashlight.

"I hate you," Nick growled. It took all his self-control to not attack the small muskrat, who just smiled at him while the memory of the ranger scouts played out.

"I am Pain," the muskrat said. "You can hate me all you want, it won't help you. You can't get rid of me. Ever." A whine escaped Nick's muzzle while the now muzzled memory-Nick got back up his feet and ran up the stairs again, followed by the real Nick and Pain. Horrified Nick had to watch as one of his most painful memories came to a close. Slowly, the memory-mammals faded away.

"So what was the big idea, fuzz-ball?" Nick asked, ears flat against his skull. He was angry. Once again, the memory had gotten to him. "I know what happened that day, why show it to me?" Pain just chuckled.

"You said you could face your past, so why not start at the night everything started?" Nick was silent. He remembered very well what happened after he had came home that night. It wasn't a pleasant memory.

"Well well well," another familiar voice called out to them. "If it isn't my good-for-nothing kit." Nicks hackles stood straight up and he bared his teeth immediately.

"Who are you in this crazy wonderland place where we are?" he asked as he felt a cold hand clamp down on his heart. Deep down he realized who his father was here. As Nick turned around to face John, his father, the scene changed once again. John had a nasty smile on his face.

"Well, it seems like you got some brains in your head after all," John said. Nick growled. John laughed. "Each growl only strenghtens my presence here. It just feeds your Rage."


	3. Waking up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I have found some time in between study sessions to write a bit. But hey, I'd better lie about not updating for 3 weeks and update after just one week instead. However, after this chapter, I'm out of material to post. Not sure when I find the time to write again.  
> Also, the last part of this chapter is actually the first part I've written for this story, because it comes before chapter 1 chronologically speaking.  
> Anyway, feel free to comment anything you want, all feedback is appreciated. If you have questions about the story so far, feel free to ask them, I'll try not to spoil anything. And if you have other questions for me, just ask. I'll be happy to answer them.

Chapter 3 - Waking up

Judy felt sore when she woke up. Very sore. Everywhere. As her mind started to wake up from her slumber, she started to register things. Things that were out of place. Somewhere close by, she heard a soft and steady beeping sound she didn't recognize. After a few seconds she realized there were two things that made the same kind of beeping sound.

"Mom, dad, I think she's waking up!" She recognized that enthusiastic and anxious voice anywhere. It was her littermate and twin sister, Ashley. Ashley looked like an exact copy of Judy, except for her eyes and ears. Her ears were slightly shorter and more rounded and her eyes were bright blue. If they stood next to each other, not counting their ears, Judy would be just slightly longer.

 _Wait, Ashley?_ Judy was confused. _What is she doing here? I don't remember inviting her over for the weekend. And why would mom and dad be here too?_ She tried to think of why she would have invited all three of them to their place. Then the memories came back to her and she opened her eyes. Sure enough, she found herself in a hospital bed. She looked towards the paw end of her bed. She could see the outline of a cast under her blanket. Across from her, she saw Nick. He was lying in a bed, hooked up to an IV drip and a heart monitor. On his muzzle he had a mask that was connected to some kind of machine.

"Nnn-nniiick," Judy managed to say. She felt horrible. Her brain was hazy, her speech was slurred and the pain in her chest was still present trough the drug-induced haze. When she tried to get up, her sister immediately stopped her. Judy turned her head towards her left to look at her.

"What are you thinking sis? You've sustained some serious injuries." It was then that she noticed all the bandages on her body. There was one on her chest, her left arm was in a cast and around her head was another bandage. Before Judy could answer Ashley, both her parents were flanking her sister.

"Judy!" Both Bonnie and Stu exclaimed with relief.

"You're finally awake," her mother continued, while Stu felt tears welling up in his eyes. Judy frowned, confused.

"Whahappen?" She managed to ask. "How wong dizz I sweep? Howizz Nnniick?" _Urgh. Stupid meds. I sound like a two-year-old kit,_ she thought. She shook her head, trying to clear the fog in her brain.

"You were in a car crash," Bonnie answered. "You've been unconscious for three days. And Nick is..." Before she could continue, the door of their hospital room opened. In the doorframe stood a rhino officer.

"How is she?" Officer McHorn asked.

"She just woke up," answered Ashley, who had turned around to see who had entered.

"I'mmm ffffiiinee," Judy slurred. McHorn raised an eyebrow.

"What about officer Wilde?" Ashley's face fell. She shook her head. Judy interrupted again.

"Hhhooww izzz he doooing?" Judy asked. Fear slowly started to claw it's way towards her heart. "Izz he aawaaakee?" Her mother shook her head.

"Not yet, dear," Judy heard the sadness in her voice. "He's had the worse end of the deal. It's a miracle he's even alive." Judy whimpered. A few moments later, a capybara nurse entered the room.

"If you would all please go to the cafeteria," the big rodent asked, "the patients need their rest. Especially miss Hopps, since she is awake." Judy frowned.

"My nnaame izz Willlde-Hoppzzz," she protested. The capybara checked her clipboard in surprise and saw she was mistaken.

"Apologies, misses Wilde. However, your visitors still need to leave." Judy tried to argue with the nurse but eventually gave up because she knew that with the haze of the medication in her system, she wouldn't be able to convince her.

During her mandatory rest, Judy had slept some more. When she had woken up again, she called the nurse again to help searching for the remote of the TV, which Judy couldn't find.

"How is he doing?" She had asked as the capybara handed her the remote. The device originally sat on the small trolley with a foldable table next to Judy's bed.

"He is stable, but that's about it," the big rodent said. "I'm sorry, I wish I had better news about your husband." Judy's vision became blurred as her eyes started to fill with tears. She tried to wipe them away, but the IV tube got in the way at first. When she had cleared her eyes, the nurse had left the room, leaving her alone with Nick and the TV.

A few hours later, only one of her visitors returned. Officer McHorn sat down on a chair near Judy's bed. Judy smiled weakly at him.

"Let me guess," she began, "Bogo wants to know our side of the story." She gestured with her right hand towards Nick and herself. The rhino nodded.

"He already has my account, since I was the first officer on the scene, but he needs your side, to get the complete picture." Judy took a deep breath and began to give McHorn her testimony.

 

* * *

 

Three days earlier

"This is Z-113 to dispatch, we have a 10-31. Suspects are fleeing the scene in a dark blue sports car, medium sized. No plate. Requesting backup." Nick called in on the radio. Clawhauser responded immedeately.

"This is dispatch. 10-4, Z-113. What is your position and heading?"

"We are at Sandswept Boulevard, heading towards Heat Street. Looks like they are trying to reach Tundratown."

"Copy that, Z-113, I'm gonna try to set up a road block just after the tunnel."

"10-4 dispatch. We'll check in if they change course." While Nick was busy with the radio, Judy switched on the lights and sirens and gave chase, their cruiser picking up speed fast.

"Hold on Slick, this is gonna be a bumpy ride," she said as she floored it. As far as they could see, the suspects were still speeding towards the wall.

"Intersection coming up, Carrots." Nick pointed out. The dark blue car raced past the intersection as the traffic light switched to orange. "Watch out, looks like we need to slow down a bit." Judy grunted. She didn't slow down, but sped up instead.

"We can make it," she mumbled.

"Carrots?" Nick asked. "What are you doing?" He always felt uncomfortable when Judy was driving. The risks she would take were way to high, according to him.

"I said we can make it," she answered. "If we don't keep up with them, we'll lose them."

"SLOW DOWN!!!" Nick yelled as the light became red. "DO YOU WANT TO G–" Before he could finish his sentence, everything went black.

Judy never saw the other car. Neither did the driver of said car see them. He slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. At the intersection it crashed into the right side of the police cruiser. Airbags popped open as both big vehicles slid towards the sidewalk, where they collided with the buildings.

A few minutes later, Clawhauser received a call from a 911 dispatcher about a traffic accident on Heat Street. He decided to warn Nick an Judy. "Dispatch to Z-113, come in." Clawhauser hailed them. An eerie silence greeted the chubby cheetah. "Officer Wilde, answer." No reaction. A feeling of unease crept up on him. "All units in the area of Heat Street station, report."

"Z-49 to dispatch, we're in the area." McHorn responded. "10-77 is 2 minutes. What happened?"

"There has been a major traffic accident on Heat Street, close by the heat wall. This was Cruiser Z-133 last known location. No response from them. I need you to regulate traffic and report what you find on the scene."

"10-4, dispatch. Is there an ambulance en-route?" McHorn informed.

"Positive. They should arrive within 3 minutes of you." Clawhauser waited until officer McHorn arrived at the scene.

"Clawhauser," the rhino radioed in, voice calm, but filled with dread. "It's them."


	4. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. It seems as if I can only produce short chapters. My guess is that this is because I am basing them on the individual songs of the cd that inspired me to write this thing. Oh well. A small warning, this chapter takes quite a dark turn. But don't worry, there will be some happy stuff further down the line.
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a comment. I love hearing what you think about my little story. Tips, tricks and criticism is greatly appreciated.

Chapter 4 - Darkness

After a while, Nick found himself again at Cypress Grove Lane. In the distance, he could make out a young fox kit walking towards them. Rage grinned mockingly at Nick.

"Remember this night?" Rage asked. Nick didn't answer. He wouldn't give in. "Answer me!" Rage yelled at him and slapped him in his face. Nick yelped and recoiled from the blow. It didn't hurt physically, but the gesture was degrading.

"Do what you want, Rage," Nick said calmly. "You won't get to me." His aspect wasn't fooled.

"I don't?" Rage asked with a soft purr in his voice. "Then why do you feel so... humiliated?" He savored the taste of the last word on his tongue. Nick growled. Rage just laughed. "Now shut up and watch."

 

* * *

 

Little Nick closed the front door behind him.

"Mom, I'm home!" he said. No answer came. "Mom?" Nicks ears folded down flat against his skull. He felt uneasy. If his mother wasn't home, then...

"Nick? What are you doing here?" The bored disinterested voice of his father reached his ears. "I thought you were at that scout club thing. Why are you disturbing my peace of mind?" Nick's lower lip started to tremble. _Hide it. Quick._ He thought to himself. He knew how his father operated.

"I-I-I was just..." Nick's voice trailed off as his father came into the hall. Anger was plain on his face.

"Why are you here?" John Wilde asked once again. "You weren't supposed to ruin my mood with your presence here." Nick shuffled with his hindpaws, feeling uneasy. If he didn't play this right...

"Well, as part of the initiation I had to do several tests." Nick lied. "One of them was to find my way back home with only a map. And I–" John cut him off as the kit looked away.

"Did you even think for one second you can fool me?" His father said rather calm, a nasty smile forming around his lips. Nick trembled with fear. "You're a worthless little fox who can't lie to even save his own skin." John's hand came down hard on his cheek. Nick tried to suppress his tears. "You are a failure!" A fist connected with his left shoulder and Nick fell backwards, hitting his head on the floor. A whine escaped from his muzzle, as tears began to flow. John lifted his son back on his feet. "Worthless idiot." He opened the door under the staircase, revealing another set of stairs leading to a basement. "Off you go." John gestured towards the basement stairs.

"What have I ever done to you?" Nick asked. "Why don't you love me like a real dad?" The moment he said that, he regretted it instantly. Anger filled John's face as he kicked his son into the basement.

"Ungrateful kit!" He yelled at Nick. "You don't ever do something useful, so why should you deserve anything?" John slammed the door and locked it.

 

* * *

 

Nick was stunned into silence as he relived one of the worst nights in his life. All the while Rage was standing right beside him, smiling. Around them, the scene faded out into darkness.

"This was the night he broke me, and my mom." Nick admitted in defeat. "I still don't get why he was so cruel..." His voice trailed off, sadness plain on his face. Rage laughed.

"And you never will get it, Nick." Nick hung his head as Rage kept on mocking him.

"Unless you change your ways." A familiar voice broke through the darkness. As he turned around, he saw a familiar gray bunny. The aspect of Love. "Don't let the darkness inside you take over, Nick. Fight!" She urged him. "Remember why you need to fight, why you need to change your ways. Don't be afraid to show her what you feel." Nick opened his mouth to ask a question, but Love already gave an answer. "Who do think, you dumb fox?" She smiled at him.

Suddenly, it was as if Nick almost could hear a voice. It belonged to someone he was sure he knew. He couldn't make out what she said, but he was sure of it. Her voice was answered by two other familiar voices that sounded just as muffled as the first one.

"Yes, Nick." Love urged on. "Follow their voices."


End file.
